You are my sunshine

David got an e-mail this past Friday from a close friend telling us that their 9 month old baby had passed away. Today we attended his memorial service. These past few days I have reflected on the family I have. I have thought about this sweet friend of mine and the amazing mother she is. I remember when I had Trevor, how whenever we saw them she would be so anxious to hold him. I remember when she found out her first baby was a boy and how excited we were for our kids to be friends. I think about talking to her on the phone or going out to dinner, to a movie, or having a game night and how most of our conversations revolve around our kids. When you are a mother, your kids are your life. They are your full time job, your biggest worry, sometimes they are a pain. They make you laugh, cry, scream. Sometimes they make you frustrated and angry and you wonder if you're really the right person to be raising them. But my friend said something today when she spoke about her sweet baby and her kids that made me stop and ponder. She said her kids are her sunshine and that she loves being a mom. Ever since we heard about Connor's passing I feel like we have had more peace in our home. As we have prayed for this family we have felt a greater love for our own family. I have felt a greater understanding and appreciation for the blessings the temple brings to our family and I am so thankful that we are sealed together forever. I have looked at my kids and wondered how I would feel if they were taken from me. The little things that used to get to me don't seem as important. And the time I used to spend doing things for ME seem almost wasted. I have played with my kids more this week, I have given them more hugs and kisses, I have listened to them more and have tried to be more patient with them and more loving. I have tried to be a better mom, the mom they deserve. I love my kids. I love being a mom. My kids are my sunshine, too.

Home grown

I have planted 3 gardens since we have lived in this house. I tried a spring/summer garden last year, then a fall garden and I just planted some more things again this spring. The first garden I planted we got nothing. Maybe a few pea pods, but that was it. The second time around my plants grew great but they didn't produce any food. But the one I've been working on this year is growing great. What is the difference? I learned a little something. My friend told me about a FREE online BYU course in gardening. I did it. Then I learned from the free course that I needed to call the extension office where I lived to get information for gardening in my area. I called. I asked questions, got answers and read lots of stuff. I made charts of what I wanted to plant and when it needed to be planted. I drew out plans of where I was going to plant stuff. I got good dirt, I got fertilizer, I got some new seeds, a few plants and got to work. So far we have been able to eat lettuce (romaine - grows so great!) and spinach. The other day I picked all of our carrots to make room for pumpkins. The kids thought they were pretty good. So did I. My peas did not do so well so I took them out, but my green beans are looking lovely. My broccoli plants are HUGE but I have no broccoli....yet. I don't know much, but I know a little and it's been fun experimenting and learning something new. And the best part is being able to go out back and pick some of that home grown food to eat.

My spinach and Romaine lettuce. Plant in Feb for a harvest all spring (I just pick what I need and it keeps on growing) and in September for a fall garden. The Romaine grew so well I will plant more next time. 

These are the carrots I harvested last week. They didn't get very big but they were crunchy and pretty sweet. Trevor's friend was very impressed we had food growing. 

My green beans are blooming! I never had green bean plants this good before. Plan t mid-March, April, late June and early August. I'm hoping to get enough so I can freeze them. My kids love green beans.

Corn. I tired it last summer and the ears never produced any kernels. I am hoping for more success this year. I learned to plant corn where peas were the season before. We'll see if it works! 

Book Review - The Rent Collector by Camron Wright

The Rent Collector is the story of a young mother, Sang Ly, struggling to survive by picking through garbage in Cambodia's largest municipal dump. Under the threat of eviction by an embittered old drunk who is charged with collecting rents from the poor of Stung Meanchey, Sang Ly embarks on a desperate journey to save her ailing son from a life of ignorance and poverty. It's a tale of discovery and redemption in which she learns that literature, like hope, is found in the most unexpected places. (from http://www.therentcollectorbook.com/about.htm)

I have been wanting to read this book for a long time. I saw the cover and was immediately curious about what was hidden in the pages of this book. I requested the book from the library (did you know you could do that?) and waited and waited until finally it was my turn to read. I loved this book. Even though it's fiction, it's based on real people and real places. The story is beautifully written and there are so many little stories within the novel that keep you wanting to read to find out all of the answers. I loved the characters and their stories, their struggles, the way they made a home -  a community - in the middle of a dump. This story has such a positive, uplifting message. Anyone who loves books, who has ever had a sick child, who has struggled or had to hold on to hope this would be the perfect read.

LIBRARY BOOK REQUESTS - For those of you who live in Las Vegas, did you know you can access the city's library catalog from your computer and request books? You can! All you have to do is go to any library and ask the librarian you set you up with an account. Then, using your library card number you can look up books online, request them to be sent to your home library and you will get an e-mail when the books are ready to be picked up. You can also renew books online! Click here to access the library's website.

Home work

I'm a homebody. I love being home. When Dave and I were still dating we decided that if when we got married I would stay home and he would work. I'm not one to run a lot of errands during the week and on the weekends we spend a lot of time at home. In the past I always thought how great it would be to have a job where I could stay home and work. I thought it would be so easy to get in a lot of work time and still be home with my kids. A few weeks ago I started an at home job. I got a job scoring state writing tests. I thought it was going to be so great and so easy to log in 20 hours a week or more. But I was wrong. It's not that easy. Between home school, spending time with Logan, helping Colin with homework after school, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry, preparing my Sunday School lesson, taking care of my garden and everything else I need to do in a week it's been really hard to work at home. I get interrupted a lot. The phone rings, my kids need me, I remember the clothes in the wash from the day before, the Internet crashes. The past few weeks I have felt a little overwhelmed, a little frazzled. I told Dave last night that I feel like I have a million things I need to do RIGHT THEN and I can't seem to get them all done. I try to make a schedule but sometimes it goes right out the window when you're at home and the unexpected happens (like your kid throws up). It's been a few weeks since I started working and it's not a long-term job. Just a month or so until these papers all get scored and then after that whenever they need me again. But it's been a learning experience. It's taught me what my priorities are and that I need to do those things first and then try and get my hours of work in. I might not get in 30 hours a week, I might barely get in 20. But I really like that I can do it. It's nice that I can stay home and work and earn a little money. It's nice that I can stop and read a book to Logan or eat lunch with my kids. It's nice that I can tuck them in at night and then log in a few work hours, or wake up before them to get some uninterrupted work time. It's hard to balance everything, but I learned these past couple of weeks that when I take care of my family responsibilities first, it makes getting the other stuff done a little easier.

Surprise picture

The other night Dave and I were downstairs when I noticed how quiet the house was. In the old days of toddlers we knew that meant there was trouble. But now, where there is quiet in the house it means boys are busy, having fun, playing together. I grabbed my camera and tried to take pictures of them playing without them seeing me. I love moments like that - when you can watch or listen to your kids and they don't know you're there. For just a moment you're let into their imagination, their creative world. Every now and then it's nice to stop and listen and hear the sounds of happy boys.

Bigger kids

I keep forgetting that my kids are getting bigger. Sometimes I look at them and I am astonished that they are so big. And it happened so fast. Dave used to tell me to enjoy certain things because someday I would miss it. Well, someday is here.

Logan used to come into our room almost every night with his blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor next to our bed. He would wake me up every night to put his blanket on, but I liked waking up in the morning seeing him sleeping there. He doesn't do that anymore. Makes me sad. I miss him in my room.

When I took Colin to school the other day I walked him up to his classroom (I usually just drop him off but I was actually showered and dressed). When we got to his class I bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek and he said, "Just a hug Mom, no kiss." Makes me sad that he's too old for even a kiss on the cheek at school. At home it's fine, but not in front of his friends. 

Trevor still lets me tuck him in at night, but I recently noticed that when I said, "Love you," he would not say it back anymore. Really made me sad. So one night when I was putting him to bed I said, "Love you....are you too big to say it back? Too cool? Is it embarrassing to say?" He just smiled. I told him it was okay if he didn't want to say it, but that it was nice to hear. Most of the time he'll say it back, but not all of the time. Makes me sad. 

The AD/HD Medicate Debate

A few weeks ago I took Trevor to the doctor to get the results of his AD/HD evaluation. The biggest question going into that appointment was if we were going to medicate or not. There are lots of different opinions and ideas when it comes to medication and AD/HD. I read a lot, I talked to a lot of people, Dave and I discussed it, we prayed about it, we thought about it over and over again. I was scared and nervous: would he get side effects? Would he lose his appetite and lose weight and not grow? Would he be like a zombie all day? Would his personality change? I didn't know what to do. I was lost and confused. And my doctor helped me feel better. I know a lot of people are weary of doctors prescribing medication for AD/HD, but I trust my doctor. He's been treating my kids for 10 years. I've had lots of experience with him. He makes his AD/HD appointments on Fridays at the end of the day so he can spend as much time as needed listening and talking. He answered all of my questions and helped put Trevor and me at ease. He explained things to me and gave me a lot to consider. And I know the last thing he wants  to do is something that is going to hurt or harm my kids. I honestly feel that way about him. So I got a prescription and Dave and I talked and we decided we would try it for a month. If it worked, then great! If we didn't like what we saw then we would talk to the doctor and try something different. So here is our medication experience so far:

• Trevor does not have so much of the hyperactivity as he does attention issues so we started at a very low dose of medication, one that is an extended release medication so it lasts all day
• Side effects we have noticed were headaches, upset stomach, loss of appetite, and a hard time falling asleep at night.
• Positives we have noticed: an easier time controlling his emotions/anger; he gets along better with his brothers; does not argue as much as he used to; has been able to complete school assignments all on his own without getting super distracted; wrote a clear, organized 5 paragraph rough draft all on his own (usually he'd do about 3-5 sentences and stop or it would be very disorganized); follows through with directions better; was able to sit QUIETLY thought church on Sunday; is more patient in situations where he would usually freak out or lose his cool
• His personality has not changed. He's happy, still playful, still the same interesting, fun boy.
• Most of the side effects he experienced the first week have gone away

He's not been on medication for very long so I know things can change, but so far we are very happy with the results. One thing my doctor said that really struck me was that Trevor's ADD is not just a school issue. It's something that effects him at home, at church, at scouts, with his friends and family members. We give him a pill every single day because it's helping him in all situations. So far things are going well. We've had a lot of struggles with Trevor and for a very long time and it's been very frustrating. It's such a blessing that we  have been able to have so many positive experiences as a family these past few weeks.