Friday, August 16, 2013


I did not cry when Trevor went to school. He was ready and I was excited for all of the new things he was going to learn. And I still had Colin and Logan home with me so I was good. With Colin I was the same way. No crying on the first day of kindergarten. I didn't really get why some moms did cry. It seemed silly to me. But the weekend before Colin started first grade I cried, in the grocery store while talking to his teacher I had just met. Where the heck did that come from? I didn't even know why I was crying and I felt pretty stupid. But when the first day came I was fine and all was well. But this year is different. There are things going on that I wasn't expecting, things I was not prepared for. All summer I've been hearing rumors and seeing things that our school might have all day kindergarten this year. Not the tuition based all day kindergarten that some of the schools have, but free for every class - no choice for a half day. And when I started thinking about the possibility of all my kids being gone all day long it made me cry. Seriously. I was bawling some days thinking about being home alone. Dave thought I was a little crazy to be sad about being home alone. But he didn't get it. For the past 10 years I've been a mom with kids home with me. I've always had little people to take care of during the day and to do things with and to take places. And for the past 2 years, during school, it's been just Logan and me. He's been my buddy, my little friend. He's always been there and now he won't be. He didn't go to preschool last year because I wanted him home. I thought this year would be good for the both of us: half-day kindergarten to transition into him being gone all day. But now I don't even get that. I can't slowly get used to him being gone. I know there are lots of good things that can come from this and I want him to enjoy school and do well and be smart. I know I will enjoy having a clean house all day and getting to help in all the boys' classrooms and being able to start substitute teaching a year earlier than I had planned. But I also know that it's going to be hard to go from being a mom at home with kids to just being a mom at home. Things are changing and I wasn't all the way ready for this change. I know I need to enjoy the stages as they come and I think I will,  but for right now I am a little sad. I just hope I can hold it together on the first day and send Logan off to school without letting him see my cry.

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