Thursday, June 2, 2011
Yesterday we were driving somewhere and Logan asked if we were getting Trevor from school. I told him no, it wasn't time. Then he said, "Awww, I miss Trev. He's my best friend." Sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't. There are times when Logan likes Colin better, or when Colin wants to just play alone and not with his brothers. There are times all three of them fight and I wonder if they will ever get along and then there are times, like right now, where all three of them are playing together, getting along and including one another. I look at them and think how well they all fit. A little while ago I kept thinking about babies. I was seeing lots of new babies at church, I had friends announcing their pregnancies and I was reading a book about a woman who had 7 kids. I wondered if we had stopped too soon, if we were done having kids for the right reasons, if we needed a girl to balance things out. Dave and I talked about it and decided we'd think about it for the next week and then fast and pray. We had done this all before and felt good about what we had decided, but I almost felt like there was pressure around me. Things I would hear and see made me wonder if we were being selfish by having "only" three kids. But during that week I was blessed to really see my kids in a different way. I noticed things about them I had not noticed before and there was a peace in our home and in my heart when I thought about my family. And the answer came to me quickly, on a Tuesday afternoon, not a Sunday after fasting all day. I was going around the house picking up stuff to clean and in my head I heard, "Just be a good mom to the boys you have." And that was it. I was good. I was content and I stopped worrying. It didn't matter if my friend had just had her fifth baby or that I had several friends pregnant with their fourth baby. It didn't matter that the lady in the book I was reading had 7 kids, that Dave's mom had 7 kids or even that I used to think when I was younger that I wanted 4 or 5. I have 3 great boys and I needed to be happy and focus on what I had. And they are good boys. They are crazy and they fight, scream, yell, talk back, hit, disobey and all that other stuff. But they also do so many good things. They have good hearts, they are sensitive to other's needs, they say thoughtful prayers and ask interesting questions and they are kind and loving. And when they are asleep they are the sweetest things ever.